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20121201
20121231
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Search Results 0 to 49 of about 58 (some duplicates have been removed)
. >> jon: born in new york city, raised in new jersey. were you born in newark? >> i'm like you, born in washington, d.c.,, proved to jersey when i was a few months old. >> jon: so lived... >> lived in bergen county, small town called harrington park. >> jon: beautiful harrington park. very nice. and now you are the superhero mayor of newark. i read stories about you. you pull babies out of burning buildings. you have reversed the rotation of the earth. how does this happen to you? do you patrol at night? are you filming an episode of cops? what are you doing? >> i did pa terrell at night a lot, especially when i first got in and there was a lot of change we were trying to make in the police department. i get a lot of attention for things frankly a lot of people in my city do every day. i remember during hurricane sandy i let a lot of my neighbors stay in my house until my power came back on, and i got a lot of attention, but frankly, so many people were doing things like that. >> jon: but you're the mayor. >> i am the mayor. >> jon: so your house is nicer. [laughter] >> if you saw ho
) nation, i love new york city. the big apple, the city that never sleeps, rat xanadu. so i was crushed to learn the metropolis i know and love has changed, not one person was murdered in new york city on monday. nypd deputy commissioner paul brown couldn't even remember the last time a day went by where not one person was shot, stabbed or slashed. (laughter) >> stephen: what happened? i remember the real new york of the '80s, when in a single night you could score some weed, catch a times square porno and then get stabbed in the neck by a coked-up lou reed. and that was a pretty good first datement now times square has become a disney bubba gump wimp company. the worst that could happen is one of those giant m & ms tries to flash you its peanut. where is the thrilling dangerous city of midnight cowboy or taxi driver? >> you talking to me? >> stephen: i wish i was talking to you. (laughter) instead of i'm talking to her. supercalifragislisticexpiali -- supercalifragislisticexpiali [bleep] me. folk, i've had it, had it. this disturbing lack of violence is not just a problem for our city
archaeologists had to travel 200 meters from a temple in the capital city pyongyang and then look down to see a rectangular rock carved with the words "unicorn lair." (laughter) it makes sense it's labeled, how else would the mailman know where to deliver the rainbows? (laughter) folks, listen to me here this has dangerous geopolitical ramifications because it gives historical legitimacy to the regime of kim jong-un by linking him to an ancient ruler who according to korea's history books road a unicorn and, as a key qlan, he road it gangnam style. (cheers and applause) one second, i just want to write down the last time i am legally allowed to reference gangnam style. (laughter) get that off to the library of congress. thank you very much. here's the danger, folks this will attract impressionable american girls to communism. look at this traditional rendering of a north korean unicorn. what little girl wouldn't love to cuddle up with a catfish faced reptilian horse beast? (laughter) don't do it, girls! because we've got better mythical creatures right here in america like big foot! or a mode
and you just -- what is the down time in these cities? especially for a pitcher? >> well, if we are a three-game set against the nationals in washington, it's a great city, so i might go see a museum or i'll try to explore the culture of the city. if i'm not pitching that day. but you're at the park for a 7:00 game, i'm never at the park any later than 2:30. i mean, i'm trying to prepare for what i have to do in a couple days. >> jon: do a lot of guys go out and see the museums or -- (laughter) when you come back are they all like "hey, poindexter, what's going on?" (laughter) >> they respect their elders, it's okay. >> jon: that's an interesting point. so here's what's on -- it's incredible enough that a new york mets pitcher wins 20 games which hasn't been done since frank viola in 1980 something. you won the cy young award but you did it at you're 38 years old mastering a pitch that so few pitchers can master they've made a documentary about the maybe six or seven of you that have been able to pitch professionally at that level with that pitch. >> you know, it's funny, my car
-fi in inner cities. [audience laughter] see you next week. good night. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: hey, everybody, well company to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. last show of 2012 and obviously if the mayans are correct-- (laughter) last show. our guest tonight my niece kristen leibowitz will be joining us-- i'm sorry, stewart. she must have changed it. i want to thank everybody, boy, that 12-12-12 concert last night, everybody that much wad, everybody that participated, everybody that says you have no idea how it boyd the spirits of everybody there. it was just-- it was good. thank you so much. but let's begin tonight with the discussion of marriage. as you know marriage is under attack. so much so that our congress passed a defense of marriage act. and president clinton signed it into law because it was the '90s and everything was ironic. (laughter) the defense of marriage act protected marriage from the scourge of no fault divorce and economic volatility and family care issues that put so much strain on marriage-
of it comes from the kansas city based writer jason whittlock from the end of his article. "our current gun control ensures that more and more domestic disputes will end in the ultimate tragedy. in the coming days javan belcher's actions and their possible connection to football will be analyzed. who knows? but here is what i believe. if javan belcher didn't possess a gun, he and cassandra perkins would both be alive today sniem and now the marching band. all right. obviously this is a tragedy. it's more complicated than that. if we're going to start addressing issues you have to talk about domestic abuse, mental illness, the head trauma, the football and the drugs they give the guys for pain. i'm assuming that costas is leaving to that cleatus, the fox robot. still he was trying to start a conversation. he succeeded. >> that belonged on nbc cable channel. then you expect that over there. you don't expect that during a football game >> it's nfl sunday. it's half time. god bless america is playing in the background. do i really want bob costas giving me a dissertation on the second amendment
were on new york city last night for the 12-12-12 benefit show to help victims of superstorm sandy. paul mccartney, the rolling stones, eric clapton, bruce springsteen and billy joel were among all the rock 'n' roll heroes that came out to perform. >> stephen: but they were all just opening acts for rock legend stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) i was honored. folks, i got to say, i was honored to be there and to be just off stage where i filmed mick jagger shaking his sexy bag of bones. here we go. (cheers and applause) just me and mick. you know, folks, donations are still being accepted. you can help the victims of hurricane sandy with a $10 do facial by texting robin hood to 50555 which i believe is paul mccartney's cell phone. (laughter) now folks, you know me, you know i have had it up to here with this imperial presidency. the arrogance of getting re-elected by running on a platform that voters find appealing sickens mement and now, and now folks, get ready for this, lady michelle antoinette. has abused her power yet again. >> oh, the perks of being first lady michelle o
. >> stephen: on the road, opens in select cities december 2 1st. kristin stewart. kristin stewart. (applause);ljvç8@ú%ç ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
for other nations to follow. we can be that shining city on the hill. as long as that hill has a ramp. ( laughter ) if-- i think it's very polite of the united states. if year going to create certain disabilities within your country, well... ( laughter ) might as well have some standard treatment for said injuries. so, unassailable and uniifying, this proposal could not be matched. former republican party leader and world war ii veteran bob dole came out of retirement to personally endorse this probably. even current senate rifles main and john kerry put aside their differences for it. >> senator mccain. >> thank you very much, mr. secretary. >> jon: huh? a little good-natured ribbing. i'm sure senator kerry had a good comeback. "what you just saw was senator mccain referring not to me with my current title the right honorable senator from the great state of... massachusetts, but senator mccain has referred to me way title prospectus, mr. secretary, references senator mccain's obstinnence with regard to susan rice, which may result in my ascension to the cabinet position held by such
, opens in select cities december 2 1st. kristin stewart. (applause)
one of the rules. downside, though, is now whenever i'm in another city, people are, like, "hey, let's go to a strip club," i've always got to chime in as the creepy dude who's, like, "hey, do you know if we're allowed to touch the girls?" hey, you guys were great. thank you very much. have a good night. captioning sponsored by triage entertainment group captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wghb.org captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart! we've got one for you tonight, man. we're not messing around. our guest tonight, noted -- (audience yells something) i'm sorry? i hope that was not an anti-semitic slur. our guest tonight -- (laughs) it's my birthday today so -- (cheers and applause) thank you for the kind wishes. (cheers and applause) thank you for the kind birthday wishes, again, thank you. very kind. but let's get to our show! the noted author and inventor neil young is going to be joining us. (cheers and applause) we begin tonight with the attacks on the u.s. consulate in benghazi, l
? >> in geneva as in new york city. >> but during the cold war when we were fighting the soviets our german scientists were better than their. >> different in different places. >> just want to make sure. explain to me again because i understand it when you explain it to me but the moment you leave the room it evaporates out of my head. >> coy explain that using science. >> okay, okay. what is the higg-bosan and why is it. >> so bag-- back in the day the early 60s fis quist-- physicists were try tounged stand the nuclear forces that hold together the nuclear a tomorrow and they couldn't. they kept coming up with this idea that it was spread out all over the place which it clearly doesn't so they came up with this bizarre-sounding idea that empath-- empty space is filled with an energy field every with. >> impossible. >> no, not-- we just got evidence that it's true. >> stephen: no, i'm going-- [bleep] because-- (laughter) >> stephen: it is not empty space if it is filled with something. checkmate. i wait your apology. >> this is why. these are supersmart scientists they figured out that even
,000 and a down payment on his new york city apartment after one mother demanded he complete every homework assignment, paper, and college ets essay fr 15-year-old son, and hopefully two grand for punching up the kid's mother's day card. the anonymous tudors ranged from a well-respected doctor to an ivy leaguer with a graduate degree in biology which just goes to show if you study hard and get into a good school, you can have a rewarding career studying hard and getting into a good school. ( laughter ). so it works. the kids get to go off to a good school, and the parents get something else. as one tudor observed, we have some mothers who feel like they've never wanted anything so bad in their lives, than getting their kid into harvard. it's bragging rights. yeah. you wouldn't believe the stunned reactions when you say, "your kid got into harvard," especially from your kid because he didn't even know he applied. ( laughter ). ( applause ) but will-- will your child succeed at the college someone else got him into? one student in the article flunked out after less than one year. that's why
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 58 (some duplicates have been removed)

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